LFG BQ

I think this is the biggest gap between blogs so far and being totally honest, I haven't really known what to write. I've had a very surreal few weeks.  I've spent most of it utterly convinced the doctors showed me the wrong scan results. It must have been someone else right? I'd only had four treatments before the scan, how could it possibly have vanquished the cancer that quickly?  From the minute you get diagnosed, everything (and I mean everything ) becomes about cancer. We spend our lives being told on those difficult adverts which we don't really watch because we either find it too hard or just refuse to accept the fact that one in two of us will get it. But unless you know someone who has been through it before, you know nothing about it. I certainly didn't. It is all consuming. Your treatment, what it does to your body (and hair!), what foods you can't eat, what things you can't do. Never mind the big question; can I beat it? Will I get better?...

It is crazy what the mind does when it is left up to its own devices. I was up late reading a book the other night and a character dies. Nothing to do with cancer, he got shot on a Ferris wheel and fell to the ground (Stephen King deaths lol), but one thing led to another and he was cremated. Now, throughout this nonsense, not once have I entertained death. There is literally no reason to - from the first meeting with Dr Lala, she stressed we weren't fighting against the clock. It wasn't something that could spread to elsewhere in the body (which blew my mind as you'd think the absolute opposite for cancer of the blood!). But that night my mind was overcome with what if this, and what if that.  What if I was one of the tiny percentile who were really unlucky?  What if it had spread somewhere and this wasn't a case of dealing with just Lymphoma but dealing with lung or brain cancer?  You have to remember, all my brain can think about is that Lymphoma is a cancer of the...