It
is 4:08am on Thursday 18th November. It’s early, sure, but we’ve got a 9:50am
flight to New York to catch from Heathrow and an early start doesn’t really
count when you’re flying off on holiday, right? Oh, and there is the
obligatory, yet insanely overpriced full English and a beer waiting with my
name on it!
It is 4:08am on Thursday 18th
November. I’m not on my way to Heathrow like I should be, and I’m not asleep. My hair is falling
out though, so later this evening I’m getting it shaved.
Life is cruel sometimes.
We’re a week and a day on from Round
Three of the treatment and it is lingering. My stomach feels hungover, a
constant uncomfortableness. My sleep resembles that of a newborn, incapable of
completing more than a few hours in any one stretch. But it is the sight of my
hair falling out in my hands that is the most sobering aspect of this round. We
always knew it was likely at some point, it would be remarkable had my hair
stayed for the duration. To be honest, it is semi-remarkable it has lasted this
long considering the potency of the drug cocktail being pumped through my veins
every other week.
With all that said though, it still
hits hard to see a handful of hair just limply, lifelessly fall out. Even
running my fingers through it now, it feels different. It feels like straw, the
life and moisture zapped from it. So, with that, it is the first physical sign
of the treatment taking hold, edging closer to my fear of looking like a ‘chemo
patient’. You know exactly what I mean; bald, drawn out, a not-quite-right
colour. It is thoroughly depressing.
I always said that upon the first
sign of my hair going I would get it shaved. I have very little control over
any of this but on this point, at this moment, I still have a little. The last
thing I want is to have wispy hair, falling out gradually over the next few
weeks. No, I will get it shaved, perhaps a 1 or 2 all over initially, and stick two fingers up at the very cause in
the process.
It’s funny, I genuinely considered
shaving my head during the deepest stage of Covid lockdown last year. My hair
grows so fast that it just became a massive pain in the arse to keep on top of.
Ultimately I didn’t because I feared my head would look ridiculous shaved, like
a massive boiled egg. I also worried it would reveal a slightly higher hair line than I
would like too.
Que sera sera.
At least it is getting colder next
week. I’ve got a slew of woolly hats ready to go to cover my big bald head.
Might even treat myself to a ridiculous, Stuart Broad-style floppy cricket hat
ahead of the Ashes starting up in a few weeks.
It’s not been all bad this week. I
have become an uncle for the first time! Congratulations to my sister Rosie and
her husband Mike on the arrival of Emily Ava. I’m not thrilled the first time
she’ll meet me I’ll resemble a big thumb, but I don’t think babies have the
best memory so I’ve got time to grow it back before she thinks her uncle is a
Gregg Wallace wannabe.
As part of the build up to Emily
being born, the family all predicted her weight, day and time of birth with the weight becoming
a donation to Lymphoma Action, the leading charity for the fifth most common
type of cancer in the UK. To accompany this, I set up a JustGiving page, almost
as a bit of a holding page ahead of the Chicago Marathon next year, so we had
somewhere to donate to. I wasn’t planning on overly promoting it, mainly
because I’m a million miles away from running a marathon at the moment and the
last thing any of you want is me banging on about it a year in advance! But I
got a lovely email from someone at the charity who had been notified of my
account being opened, being amazingly supportive and kind - something I
particularly needed this week.
In speaking to her I realised that
there is no harm in having a donation page open so far ahead of a possible
marathon. In fact, it doesn’t need to be marathon specific at all. It’s me vs.
lymphoma and that can include anything we like.
The Lymphoma Action lady suggested a
Festive Fashion day that my work have very kindly taken on around the yearly
Christmas jumper day, whilst we’re also doing a bake off too. Evie and I have
grand plans for an annual charity evening that we’re gradually formulating a
plot for once I’m better. There’s Chicago. There might even be a London Marathon 2023
running for the charity itself.
It all helps.
There is a bunch of information here
if you’re interested in any fundraising events this Christmas including the Festive Fashion day, a Santa Run, Christmas cards and even dog bandanas!
My JustGiving can be found here.
So that’s it for today. Round four
is next Wednesday and then the following Monday is the PET scan - a quite
simply huge milestone in this process and one that will shape the coming
months. But we’ll deal with that nearer the time... I could do with being able to sleep before then!
It is 5:03am on Thursday 18th
November and I better try and get a few more hours sleep. The battle is just
beginning.
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