LFG BQ

So then, here we are. Welcome! Thank you so much for being here this evening, it really does mean a lot to us to see so many people here. Now, I’m only too aware that I’ve said A LOT so far. Just the 23,475 words to be exact on my hit blog, so I will try to keep this relatively short. Yesterday was the anniversary of when I was told I had cancer. Something I never imagined would actually happen to me. It feels like hours ago on one hand, and a lifetime on the other.  It’s funny, I don’t really recall much from that day. I couldn’t tell you what time the appointment was or much of what was said – other than “it’s cancer”.  I do remember it was raining though.  I was as naive and, lets be honest, sheltered as they come when it came to knowing anything about cancer.  Once diagnosed, I relied entirely on Evie and my parents to tell me things I needed to know. We were given a guide book, (not of the most fun variety) which to this day I have never opened, and not once did...

Somehow, today is day *one hundred* since I finished chemotherapy and rang the bell. One hundred days. How on earth did we get here?  Never has anything felt simultaneously like yesterday and like five years ago.  So with that being said, getting to +100 days is something that I'm struggling to get my head around a little bit. I'm sure I'll get to it eventually, but the whole experience is already beginning to feel like a bad dream. There are genuinely some occasions when it dawns on me that I actually had cancer.  Oh yeh, that was fun. As I am sure the many long time readers (is 'fans' too egotistical a term at this juncture?) of this blog will have clocked, I haven't written anything for ages! Not since the immediate few days after my last round of chemo actually. Now, this sabbatical could be down to two things. It could be because 1) I can actually sleep now and no longer have time to kill between 3 and 5am most nights. So that's a big win. Or it could...

Where to start? Chemo is over.  What a thing to be able to say. My first chemo session was on Wednesday 13th October. That both feels like the mere blink of an eye and a complete lifetime ago. Today is day 155. Five months and five days. My rough estimation is 800x tablets so far.  I've had a 42cm line in my arm pumping litre after litre of chemicals direct in to my chest turning my pee red within minutes, making me feel like a zombie and destroying my taste and stomach for days. I've gone from being fairly utterly riddled with bad, most terrifying shit in my neck and chest to being told I'm in complete metabolic remission. Clear.  It has been one hell of a ride.  It's something that I don't think I will ever truly be able to communicate properly, but the masses (ha!) are expecting a grand, last chemo blog so I'm going to give it a good go! Before we get to the final week, I had some fun with the final District Nurse visit last week. Now, I've had 11 visits...

At the very start of treatment, my biggest fear was *looking* like a chemotherapy patient. Of course, there is no shame in looking like that, it’s a borderline badge of honour for your body in fronting up to the poison that is being pumped around your body… but mannn, I really didn’t want to look like a chemo patient. So now, 141 days since the barrage of ABVD first began winging its way around my body, I look pretty chemo-y. Subconsciously, I’m doing my best to avoid mirrors. I sometimes manage it only brushing my teeth at the bookends of the day, giving myself a pat on the back in the process. But saying that, between those visits to the bathroom, I’m exclusively in two rooms - the kitchen/office and the lounge so it’s no great shakes. Although Teams is a pain, but somehow the light and angle can do me a favour - or I just pull my hat down and pop my collar up! (I won’t be one of those no camera dweebs though, even with chemoface). We took a photo of my hair the other day to record ...

'Only three rounds left? Ah, you'll be fine mate!'  That’s something I’ve heard a few times lately. I get it, it’s been a long period of time for everyone, and I think there’s definitely an element of cancer fatigue - not just for me but for everyone around me. I’ve said before, it’s all encompassing. And I guess we could consider me to be as close to ‘fine’ now as I have been for while.  But with that said, it’s all relative. 18 months ago I was about as ‘fine’ as I could be. New house, settled job, happy relationship, fit and healthy. Now ‘fine’ consists of only having two rounds of chemo to go, only having 26 days until I can hopefully get the 38cm line removed from my chest and not waking up every  night in the two week cycle needing the toilet like I’m in my 70’s.  (Sometimes I get up three or four times a night and I simply do not understand how or why! It's not like I'm drinking a pint between each piss). The reality is despite being in remission and, in ef...

Today is World Cancer Day. I’m a new member, do I get a badge or a pen perhaps? As I’ve said before on these pages I knew naively little about the big C before my diagnosis. I think that was due to a mixture of being lucky enough to only know a handful of people to suffer from it, far belying the 1 in 2 stats, as well as just simply burying my head in the sand. It couldn’t happen to me, could it? Guess what Benny Boy, it definitely could. I thought today was as good a time as any to go through what I’ve learned over the past year - because that’s what it is now, a full year since my first appointment at the doctors for my itchy legs.  First things first - go to the doctors. I know it can be a ball ache getting an appointment and often a heady mix of worry and embarrassment but I can pretty much guarantee you the doctors will have seen whatever your ailment is before. And if they haven’t then boy, it’s probably even more important that you see them! Secondly, don’t take no for an an...